Why women rarely go for nice guys

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Women like nice guys. They may not love them or if they do -well, if they do- then that guy must have done his share of donkey work and listened to a lot of boyfriend escapades from the lady long enough to earn him a seat at her royal throne. Honestly, those guys are few and in most cases the ladies were out of options.

This is why a lady will tell Mr. Nice guy that she isn’t ready for commitment and two months later you bump into pictures of her and her man on IG. The nice ones will be civil enough to inform you of their new relationship and you’ll be distraught and ask between chokes of tears, anger and bitterness…’but I thought you said you didn’t want to commit.’ Of course she wanted to commit…she wanted someone to send her care packages on a regular and send Glovo or Uber eats with grilled chicken and olives and take her to Lemon Valley and Elementaita and Santorini, but you weren’t her target audience dummy!

She’ll politely say she’s so sorry she wasted your time but you’ll not be mad at her because in all honesty, she showed you all the signs and made it clear that you and her would never be anything more than friends. You were friend zoned a long time ago. Maybe she let you hit once or twice, or maybe not, but the truth is- you’re a sissy, and a pushover and not tough enough…..you’re just too nice and too available to tickle her fancy. You’re the kind that will see her text about a tummy ache at 3.a.m and offer to hail a cab to Kinoo from Juja just to give her foot rubs and tummy massage.

‘Do you need wine, or should I just come with melrose sweet almond oil to massage your tummy? Is it the periods?’ You’ll ask.

‘Nah…I’m good. I’ll be fine.’ She’ll say this while frantically scrolling through her messages  to see when last the bare minimum guy she’s interested in texted her.

‘Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow at Empire coffee lounge then. I want to make you feel better.’ You’ll prod further.

Dude….don’t you get it?

All the late nights you spend reading Chimamanda’s Americanah just to get in touch with your feminist side -because she’s a feminist and she also comes from the suburbs- will earn you nothing. Just so you know, I have nothing against progressive feminism.

And yet, the guy from Eastlands, well, you’re also from Juja so don’t gloat, will just wink at her…..

‘niaje totois.……..’ and the deal is signed, sealed, delivered!

Other ladies will not care. They showed you the signs and you didn’t read them. You’ll just start to notice you will be the water boy at their wedding by how cavalier they become, but that is a ‘you’ problem.

You are her option B when her option A is too busy chasing after every skirt in town to notice or pay attention to her. You are her snuggle pillow when she’s heartbroken. But don’t worry, the day you decide to end the nonsense and go where you’re wanted brethren -and the guy she wants just sent her an invitation to his wedding- she may or may not come back running to you.

Don’t give in though. Know your worth and ask her to kiss your sorry behind.

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