January is the calendar’s ingrown hair for adults. When we were growing up, we didn’t care what calendar month it was. January, April, December, it was all the same for us. Except April and December was exceptional because April is my birth month and in December we got to celebrate Christmas. Christmas felt Christmassy back then and birthdays were such a huge deal. Those were the 2 months (other than wedding days)I got to wear a cute layered white lace dress with matching socks and pair of ‘pams’. Life was sweet, and innocent and beautiful. The souls around were beautiful too and honestly, the Christmas mood was everything. It was the month we got to kick sand off the ground and fly helicopters made of maize cobs against the wind.
January to December was all the same. No ingrown hairs or wallet hangovers that lingered beyond the Dec vacays and trip to saccos or mshwari. There was a lot of generosity and kindness and innocence that we no longer seem to experience as adults; mostly because the December holiday gets the best of us and by the time we are getting to January we suffer through mental exhaustion and anxiety.
We worry about our wallets, worry about the new year’s resolutions (which barely lasts to the third month of the Calendar), worry about a million dreams that keep us awake, the house we need to buy, the wedding we need to do and the bride/groom we don’t have, the schools our imaginary kids will go to, the world that could be……we worry about pretty much everything that we forget to live a little. We forget that what matters most is living in the present and enjoying the little things we enjoyed as children.
Like clockwork, time doesn’t stop. It keeps moving. 2019 made me feel like I was on a hamster wheel…..everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams. I was futilely chasing my tail towards work, relationships, and trying to rectify the crawling feeling that life was passing me by. Fruitlessly looking for a sense of purpose that I couldn’t seem to grab a hold of. Feeling closer to something yet so far. It has been a stagnating growth in nearly every aspect of my life, and by the end of last year I had decided to hit the reset button on almost everything in my life. I needed to breath, slow down, detach from the perceptions I clung to, be still and let what was truly meant for me to reveal itself. To stop forcing progress by sheer will, because often, what is forced will elude you, and let the universe guide me towards the right destination.
Today I’ll not be so hard on myself. I’ll reflect on the way my heart has healed and expanded over the last decade. How much I’ve learned from each setback, and how much more growth is possible. When it gets tough, rediscover the joys of childhood. Ride a bike, blow bubbles, kick sand, jump hoops, read juvenile fiction, jump in a puddle after huge rainfall, color yourself red and enjoy it. Don’t beat yourself up for what never was, but get excited for what is yet to come, for the endless possibilities. Don’t die yet!
Be kind, keep calm, do right and take stock.
I wish you a brave and hopeful year and the very best this decade has to offer. And I hope you’ll be guided through a whirlwind of excitement, adventure, love and fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams.